"My name may be India, but it's only because my pussy reaks of curry."
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Bobbi Eden Giving Blowies to a Nation
If you haven't heard by now, porn star Bobbi Eden is giving blow jobs to all her Twitter followers if the Netherlands wins the World Cup.
Before yesterday's game, Eden promised via her Twitter Account, that she would suck the cock of all her followers should Holland win the tournament. Now that the wood shoe wearing dynamos have advanced to the World Cup final, with a win over Uruguay, her friends count has suddenly shot up.
As I'm writing this, Eden has 34,316 followers on Twitter. That's a lot of cocks to be sucked. Now, I can't imagine that everyone is actually going to get blowies out of the deal should the Netherlands win, but she's getting herself a ton of publicity. And she's probably selling fuck loads of movies right now.
Eden says that she plans to reveal how to collect on the prize Monday should her beloved squadron be victorious. Now that JSBM is following her on Twitter, as well, jeanshorts is already sitting with his pants around his ankles beaming with anticipation.
You wouldn't want to be last in that line up would you? Am I right?
-baggedmilk
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
JSBM Tribute to Bob Probert
Yesterday, Bob Probert passed away at the age of 45. Regardless of what you think of his blow habit, and the rest of his personal life, the dude could really toss the mitts. It's a sad story, as it looked as though he had turned his life around.
-JSBM
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
JSBM Lady of the Night
"I hate wearing pants in the house. It's like having sex with a blind person. What's the point?"
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
JSBM Sends Rusty To The G20
Our good friends at JSBM have banded together and were able to get Rusty out of the plains, onto a plane, and into the big smoke. Toronto in the summer... how can it get more exciting?
Simple. Look:
*SwoooOooOOoOOONNN* Can anyone guess which studly member of the TSN CFL panel I shared a plane with? Holy handsome.
Of all the weeks to go to Toronto...
For some reason our delightful government decided it would be an idea to host the leaders of the 20 most powerful nations in one of the most crowdest places in Canada, downtown Toronto.
Rusty Says: Government, isn't downtown Toronto a dynamic, saturated place?!?
Government Says: Rusty, shut up. We are spending 1 billion dollars on security. You'll be safe, eh?
Oh, well if you put it that way.
I'll start by saying, I don't really care for Toronto at all. It's muggy as fuck, crowded beyond belief and obviously the center of the universe. There are, however, several things to make Toronto one of my favorite places. Yes, I contradict myself a lot, but Toronto is just a love-hate kind of place. They have Leaf fans... lots and lots of Leaf fans. I mean, I'm as thrilled as I'll ever be that Pheneuf is your captain, but shut the fuck up. That brings me to the women. Whores. Everywhere. It's a strange thing to walk down the street at 2:30 in the morning on Tuesday and see scantily clad beauties walking by themselves in downtown. Perhaps that's because I come from Edmonton. Shocking none-the-less. All of the whores flock to downtown and wander around trying to stand out from the 100's of other whores playing the same game. In case you've yet to realize, Edmonton has a TERRIBLE fucking ratio. For every hottie, there are 458 guys. In Toronto, this is not the case. Jeanshorts is lucky enough to be in Van city lurking in the core of the madness. For those of us that aren't so lucky, book your flight. Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal... the whores await.
Rusty Loves Downtown Toronto:
I'm lucky enough to get to go to Toronto throughout the year and live for free. Having to spend $400 a night on a hotel just because Obama's in town would most likely sour my view of staying downtown. Having snipers on rooftops, countless cops everywhere you turn, 5.5 million dollar fences protecting the Skydome, and basically no human rights may also chap most peoples ass cheeks. Not Rusty.
I made the most of it. It did feel like I was in a different country...
Author's Note: Protesters are known to attack Swiss Chalets. Damn Swiss.
Let's start with the cops. What a fucking waste of money. Obviously, when the G20 actually kicked off there was a need for protection. But Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... full bore cops? With abosutely nothing to do... The fucking convention wasn't until Friday. Perhaps they needed practice, but standing around harassing every single person that walks by? Fuck you police. Fuck you.
This is an actual scenario
*Rusty walks towards hotel*
Police #1: How's it going? What force are you from?
Rusty: Oh, I'm not here for the G20. I'm here on business
*Rusty keeps walking towards hotel*
Police #2: Hi there, where are you going?
Rusty: To my room
Police #2: What detachment are you from?
Rusty: I'm not an officer, I'm just trying to get to my room.
Police #2: Do you have ID?
*gives ID*
Police #2: Why are you here?
Rusty: For work. Here's my hotel card.
Police #2: Where do you work?
*talks about work*
Police #2: Do you have a business card?
Rusty: Are you serious?!?!?
Apparently, he was. It didn't take long before I got used to being harassed everywhere I went. Either they thought I was a cop, or they thought I was there to bomb the hotel. Once they found out you weren't one of them, you were a terrorist.
Did I make it to my room?
*enters hotel lobby carrying delicious street meat*
Police #4 (yes, there was another one before this douche): Where are you going??
Rusty: To my room
Police #4: How's the hot dog?
Rusty: *blinks* I haven't eaten it yet *hands piggy ID*
Police #4: Do you have a hotel card?
Rusty: *wonders if he'll ever make it to his room*
After a good 10 minutes, I was finally able to make it to my room.
(fuck those carts on the street make a tasty hot dog... until you wake up the next morning feeling like a worm is eating your colon)
It really is a good thing that us taxpayers were able to fund the hotdog police patrol. The gov't was right... I was safe. Assholes. The best part is this guy rolled up in a fancy sportscar... Pulled out his gun... fired into the air directly beside the heart of security... and drove away? They couldn't fucking catch him? Good deal.
Random Shoe Break:
Rock those team Canada sneaks... Happy Canada Day!
There are things to do in Toronto other than get interrogated.
You could:
Go to a Blue Jays Game:
Feel Like You're in Jail:
Get Hit by an Earthquake:
Leave:
In conclusion, It's Canada Day and I'm not drunk. That must change.
The Oilers signed a free agent????? The Flames... ummmm HAHAHAHAHA FUCK THE FLAMES!
Taylor Fucking Hall
IQWT
Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Being Shit in Bed
Fellas listen up, because if you're shit in bed, some chicks might stab you. As the old saying goes, 15 might get you 20. In this case, it's not a post about stat-rape but an unsatisfied woman that was 10 shades of pissed.
Hudson, Texas police showed up to the home of 26-year old Michelle Thomas after being called in regards to a stabbing. Thomas' boyfriend called police at 1:00AM after being attacked and stabbed with a pair of scissors.
He claims, Thomas became irate when she was not satisfied after the couple's sexual encounter. Thomas denies the allegation, claiming that her boyfriend attacked her, and the scissors were only used in self defence. Thomas claims that her boyfriend wa drunk and began choking her.
After examining the woman, police found no defensive wounds and have charged Miss Hudson with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Not to mention, the boyfriend told police he did not want to press charges, despite having cuts to his chest, thumb, and knee. Michelle Thomas faces upwards of 20-years in prison.
Well... I have to say, every guy on the planet should be wary that his chick can go off after a lame fuck session. Although, I doubt that most chicks are crazy enough to actually stab you if you fire off your liquid love too early, you just never know.
-baggedmilk
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