Fuck PETA: Whale Trainer Killed, Bob Barker to the Rescue

In the wake of the death of a trainer at SeaWorld, the hippies at PETA are trying again (and again unsuccessfully) to shut down the amusement park. The website has been petitioning, readers to contact SeaWorld with a pre-written letter demanding the release of the animals back into the wild. But that's not all, apparently this time, the Price is Wrong.

Earlier this week, a killer whale trainer was pulled into the water by an Orca and drowned. As you can imagine, PETA is up their own ass with the case, and God dammit they need to shut SeaWorld down. PETA claims that the animals at SeaWorld are miserable cunts, and that's why the attack on the trainer happened. I quote:

"The intelligent, social ocean animals kept in the pitifully small tanks at SeaWorld are denied everything that is natural and important to them. (um nope, they have water and food, both natural to them) In the wild, they swim up to 100 miles a day in the open ocean, but captured dolphins (wait a dolphin killed someone?) are confined to small tanks where the reverberations from their own sonar bounce off the walls, driving some of them insane."

Captured dolphins swim 100 miles, every day? I thought we were talking about killer whales? I guess not. If you're wondering, the name of the deceased trainer is Dawn Brancheau, but you won't find that anywhere on the PETA website. After all, a human died, and heaven forbid mentioning her name in any of your negative tripe about SeaWorld. It's not as though she had a family, or anything.

One problem is, Tillikum the whale itself, was meant to be a breeding whale, and not used for shows. In fact, this whale had killed someone before, for being too playful with it's rag doll toy. This error in judgement, in using the whale, was combined with human error on behalf of the deceased, (in laying flat on the pool deck) which resulted in a fatal accident, and nothing more. It's not as though these types of accidents happen every day. As unfortunate as it is that someone died, that should be more important that the happiness of a fucking whale.



Fear not, Bob Barker will protect us from overbidding and the whales. "Bob Barker has contacted Hamilton James—the president and CEO of the Blackstone Group, which acquired SeaWorld last year—to urge him to close all SeaWorld amusement parks. Barker also asks Blackstone to start building seaside sanctuaries and coastal refuges into which to move all the captive cetaceans who are now kept in fury..." If anyone knows a pissed off whale, it's Bob Barker. Do you really think this guy is going to build some bullshit sanctuary, frombecause of the guy that sold off showcases for 308 years?

The whole point of this, is that, PETA is not going to change anything. With all their bitching and moaning, they're not going to shut down SeaWorld, and they're not going to stop whales and dolphins from doing kick ass tricks in captivity. No matter which celebrity (relevant or not) they get behind them, or which pre-written e-mail they ask you to send Hamilton James, will have any effect on the way SeaWorld runs its business. Neither PETA nor a list of celebrities will shut down a private company like SeaWorld. In fact, the killer whale show continued on the next day.

The fact that they're using the death of a human being as a scapegoat for their own agenda is the atrocity. However, it is an agenda that will bare no fruit once again. The trainers at SeaWorld take the risk every time they get in the water, with these animals, and if PETA thinks that the animal trainers don't care about the animals themselves then they're wrong... As usual. However, what makes PETA their money is using a one-in-a-million tragedy to forward their bullshit cause, and fatten their budget.

Sometimes animals act like animals, and it's a risk that trainers take when dealing with them. Right, Roy Horn? According to PetaKillsAnimals.com, "Since 1998, PETA has opted to “put down” 21,339 adoptable dogs, cats, puppies, and kittens instead of finding homes for them." And they're a lot cuter than a whale. What will happen when a kitten maliciously scratches the face off an infant? Will PETA demand the release of all the deadly kittens into the wild, too?



PETA, fuck off, and stop using tragedies such as a dead whale trainer to fatten your advertising budget, bring recognition to your organization of hippies, and spread the rash you are on an international ass. If you want to help someone, how about buying one of JSBM's own "FUCK PETA" T-shirts? I'm sure we have one in a size that will fit hippies of all shapes and sizes.

-baggedmilk