Tiger did what?

I have to start of with a little disclaimer. I am a huge fan of Tiger Woods. For me, growing up watching Tiger destroy the hopes of every other aspiring golfer in the world has been a pleasure. I’ll be able to look back on this time as an old man and say “yeah I remember when he held all four majors at once.” I was born in 1980 and I grew up with an Oiler loving father so I had the pleasure of watching Wayne Gretzky in action. The problem was that I was too young to really understand what he was actually accomplishing in the early 80’s. These Athletes that transcend their sport come along once a generation. Tiger was (is) that athlete for my generation, an absolute treasure to watch so I can only feel hugely disappointed by the actions of this once infallible man. Try to imagine this current fiasco happening to the Great One when he was Tiger’s age living in LA. Impossible to fathom.Having said all of that, it’s time for me to rant. Lets start with the moral authority that lives among us. Haven’t you people learned that when you point fingers, your own personal demons will eventually come to light and reveal you as the massive hypocrite that you are. We all are! Like the Politician who vilifies the gay community only to have his love of blowing little boys and blow come to light. The human race is inherently evil and every last one of us has some dark shit or something that we wouldn’t want being made public. People make mistakes and they will suffer the consequences. I’ve yet to meet a person who is pure and flawless. Stop using others' faults as a means of making you forget about yours. Let them remind you that you should probably get your shit together before you suffer the same fate.
The next group on my shit list are the people that feed the media frenzy by buying the tabloid magazines and watching shows like TMZ and such. What the fuck is the matter with you people? I was in the store the other day and on the cover of a magazine was some shit about Brad Pritt and Jennifer Aniston. Didn’t they break up 6 years ago? Why do you people care? Is your own life that empty and meaningless that you have to live vicariously through these actors? There is so much shit going on in the world that matters that is almost completely ignored because we as a society are too concerned with watching the demise of Jon and Kate. It really gives me no hope for the future. We are all fucked. Just the fact that I know who Jon and Kate are is evidence enough to prove this. I just can’t understand celebrity worship. They are just regular people that happen do something cooler than you.

I read a headline today that said, “Tiger’s harem continues to grow.” Really? There was more than one girl? Please tell me why all of these, supposed former lovers of Tiger are coming out to have press conferences and speaking through lawyers about their trysts with Woods. So you want the world to know that you are a home wrecking slut? Or a money grabbing whore? Is your Daddy proud that his baby girl is getting hammered by Tiger but he's not going to at least get to shoot a round with him? Is Tiger being charged with some sort of criminal act that you are being subpoenaed to testify against? Then shut the fuck up and close your cock hole. You bitches are fucking pathetic and I wish that Tiger’s wife could have five minutes alone with each and every one of you. Karma is a bitch and you will get yours.

Now Tiger, that stupid fucking idiot. How in the sweet fuck does the “Worlds most recognized athlete” expect to get away with porking not only one woman who wasn’t his wife, but a “harem” of women? There is just no excuse for his utter foolishness. Listen, I have absolutely no problem with guys getting while the getting is good. If you are a young, famous actor or musician or athlete you have the ticket to ride! Fuck everything that will let you. It is the magic that comes with the gift. Take advantage of that. But if you aren’t done fucking everything then don’t get married! Marriage is a commitment. If you aren’t ready to make that commitment then don’t get married!!!

Did he really think that with all of the money-grabbing whores in the world that he would be able to avoid them not wanting a permanent piece of the good life? God dammit man. Tiger is married to a Swedish model, the ultimate trophy wife. But I guess it’s true that for every hot woman you see, there is a guy who is tired of fucking her. Well it’s also true that once you have fucked ANY chick the results are the same, it feels good for a minute but then you are left with the aftermath. 20 minutes of not caring if you ever get laid again and two months of worrying about STI’s and babies. Definitely not worth the headache. I’ve always said that true love is finding a girl who you are attracted to and when you are tired of fucking her, you still enjoy hanging out with her. Those women are hard to come by.

That picture is actually Miley Cyrus and some dude who isn't tired of her yet.

So Tiger wanted to have some children and have a good woman to come home to after the tour but he still wanted to fuck other chicks at the same time? Then be up front with that in the first place! “Hey Elin, this is going really good and all and I can really see us raising a family together but I am a man and I have all of these desires. I’m one of the most famous people in the world and women throw themselves at me daily. I am not capable of avoiding this temptation forever. I will make you a deal. I will provide a life of untold riches for you and you will never have to work again and you can do anything you’ve ever wanted to do in life. All you have to do is give me a couple of children and be there for me when I need you. AND let me be free to do whomever I want when I am on the road. Deal?”

EASY!!! There are millions of women in the world that would take that deal in a second. At the very least, if you are going to engage in “transgressions,” then don’t be such an idiot about it. It’s not the fact that he was fucking other chicks that I am actually upset about, I’ve always assumed it happened. What has really got me upset is the fact that he was so fucking stupid about it. Now I have to spend what would have been a pleasure watching Tiger reach those 18 majors in the next couple of years, being bothered by the permanent asterix that will be forever attached to his name. For fuck sakes, TSN was palying the tape of his call to that slut the other day. I don’t want to be seeing that shit when I am watching highlights. He can still hit the ball well and that is really the only thing I care about.

Last thing is to the people who say that we have no right to know what is going on in celebrity’s lives… this may sound like a flip flop but I firmly believe that if you want to apply your trade in a field that will pay you untold riches and give you world wide recognition then you are fair game. So you have the gift to act really well and you just love to do it? Then act in broadway plays or make indie films if you don’t want your personal life invaded. The Same thing with athletes and musicians applies. If it is for the love of the trade, you can make a good living without being greedy. You want the money and the accolades? Then your soul is for sale. I just don’t understand why anybody would give a fuck about what you do when you aren’t entertaining them. But that’s just me.

Tiger did a good job of protecting his privacy for his career so far but he was a fool to believe he could get away with something so fucking stupid. For this he will suffer, and rightly so. But you should feel like a fucking loser if you care about what he does in his own time. Wait….. Did I just spend an hour telling you how I feel about Tiger? Fuck.