Bonsignore Citizens Brigade: Wild @ Oilers

Thecaptainethanmoreau of the Edmonton Oilers tries a line change against the St. Louis Blues Monday Night

So I've been in Alberta for just a hair over 24 hours now, and here are a few things that have happened already;

-Jesus Christ Candy Cane Lane sucks ass. Have any of you city dwellers been there yet? The last time I went there was probably 1995 or so, and I remember it being amazing. 90% of the houses had, at the very least, the entire front of their house strewn with lights. There was all sorts of crazy displays, cutouts, animatronic doodads, etc. Now, well fuck we might as well have stayed in Morinville and driven around here, because I guarantee there were nicer houses here than on Candy Cane Lane. One house was done to the tits. One. I'd say about 40% of the houses on the block had some kind of light set up, however simple it may be, but the rest didn't even have any lights at all! Don't you have to sign some kind of waiver that says you'll waste tons of money and time decorating your house so bored families have something to do a Monday night? God it was so disappointing. We were doing touristy things with a couple Aussies, and we were talking up how awesome Candy Cane Lane is; "It's like 3 blocks and every house is brighter and more Christmasy than the next!" we shouted in their faces. And now we looks like assholes. Thanks Candy Cane Lane!

- Is there anything more Canadian than shacking beers at noon, taking the sled out for a rip around the lake, and building an igloo with a couple Aussies? Yeah, I didn't think so. It was a perfect day for fort building on Tuesday, let me tell you. The weather was nice, there was a light snowfall coming down. I was learning all sorts of weird slang. Fucking awesome way to start my Christmas holiday's that's for sure.

-Did anyone else see Marc Pouliot randomly show up on the CTV news to talk about the weather? They were talking to people about the shitty roads and traffic in Londonderry Mall parking lot or some shit, and all of a sudden some dude pops up and I think to myself "What the fuck? Wow that dude looks a lot like MAP." They interview a couple other people, then come back to him and all of a sudden a little name bar pops up that says "Marc Pouliot". It was incredibly random, much like the time I saw Roberto Luongo on the Weather Network. I didn't hear what he said but I'm guessing it was something along the lines of "Jésus Christ les routes sont mauvaises. Et je suis du Québec! Tabernac!" Followed by his groin exploding.

-It's fucking cold here. I remember why I don't want ever plan on moving back to Alberta. I love this place, but God I hate winter. Call me a pussy all you want. All I know is that in a few weeks I'm going to be back living in a city where it doesn't dip below minus 5 the entire year. Enjoy shoveling your driveways you manly beefcakes! I'll be too busy admiring girls walking around in skirts and tank tops in March.

So there's a hockey game tonight or something? Seriously, do we really care at this point? I mean, I'm going to watch every game for the rest of the season, but there is no way I can get pumped up anymore. I'm all for the DFF, but it hurts so bad to watch what appears to be the cast of Autism: The Musical wearing the copper and blue get lit up by the fucking St. Louis Blues. How sad is it going to be come January 2010 when we spend most of our time talking about weather Tyler Seguin should move in with Sam Gagner, and why Taylor Hall is so overrated (only because we're still not as shitty as the Hurricanes and have less of a chance at nabbing him).

Thankfully I'm not even going to be around to watch this shitfest. I'll be attending the second annual Legal Vipers Christmas Fund raiser AKA me and like 200 people getting smashed off 2 dollar drinks in the middle of the country. Last year one of my friends passed out mid-stride while he was walking, and smashed his face against the ground. He looked kind of like this. And then another passed out in the middle of the dance floor covered in his own puke. Needless to say it was a pretty swell party.

I'll make sure to take plenty of pictures of the debauchery and maybe if I've got the Christmas spirit running through me I'll take some time out of my busy schedule to post them up. I'll definitely be taking plenty of pictures once we put the finishing touches on our igloo and shotgun a few Kokanee's inside. I can tell you guys are excited.

jeanshorts prediction: The Oilers will lose, and jeanshorts and friends will get super bunged up.

DFF!

IQWT

-jeanshorts