Righteous Sack Beating - Nov. 23, 2009

So I kind of missed last weeks Sack Beating, but no one seemed to notice. So that either means I've finally gained a little bit of slack since I bust my balls to entertain you ungrateful fucks, or you actually don't care what I have to say. Either way I hate you all. Let the sack beating commence!



Sack Beating to Douche McBlueshirt at the Ducks game the other day that figured it was alright to yank Scott Neidermayer's stick out of the grasp of a little girl who was the intended recipient of the stick. You know, I'd be able to cut him a little slack if Scott just tossed the stick over the glass and didn't look at, or care who the stick went to. But he pointed straight fucking at her like 5 times, and I'm pretty sure he even said "It's for the little girl" before he tossed the stick over. But I guess since you're bigger and the stick went more toward your direction it was fair game huh? Seriously you're sitting in the front fucking row. You couldn't just get someone to ask for a favor and get a stick? You couldn't pay for one? What the fuck man? The silver lining in this whole thing is that the little girl just happened to be the daughter of pro skater Mike Vallely. Now, I'm not sure how many of you were skateboarding fans in your youth, but let me tell you, Mike V is fucking tough as nails and will throw down with absolutely anyone. I have an entire DVD dedicated to just him fighting random people for trying to give him and his friends shit. Here's a sample of his work;


I do like the fact that the feisty little blonde in the front got right in the middle of the action and started throwing haymakers. Normally I fucking hate when chicks jump in the middle of fights, especially when they complain after about getting smacked. But something about her throwing more punches than her boyfriend is hilarious. Sack beating to everyone involved. It's a fucking hockey stick. It's not a million dollar bill or something. Let the little girl have it and move on.


Sack Beating to all you mouth breathing wastes of space who have come out of nowhere to demand Hemsky be traded. Look, I'm nowhere near as big a Hemsky fan as the Dakin's of this world, and I get just as frustrated as anyone when he has a shit game, or passes when he should shoot, spins at the hash marks for half a power play, makes a brutal giveaway, etc. But for all his faults, at the end of the day, Hemsky is still one of the Oilers top 3 players on any given night.

Hemsky reminds me of Kovalev. A shit ton of raw, ridiculous, amazing talent. But looks like he could give a shit on most nights. And sadly I don't think anything is ever going to change him. He's 25, and though he's still young he looks pretty set in his ways. Who knows, maybe all he really needs is to play with a legit superstar sniper like a Heatly or a Kovalchuck, but that's not going to happen any time soon unless the Oilers somehow realize that maybe gutting the team and getting a number one draft pick wouldn't be such a bane after all. Seriously we're on losing season number 4 in a row right now. What's another season?

Is it any wonder that Hemsky looks nonchalant on most nights? He's got no supporting players around him outside of Penner and a couple of D-men. The team looks lackluster more times than not. Would you want to go out there and give 110% if you pretty much knew it was going to be futile and no one on your team was going to be even close to playing up to your speed? It's a horrible domino effect. If the team is playing shitty, Hemsky is going to play shitty. Unfortunately he's not the difference maker we all wished he was. Not yet anyway. But at the end of the day do you really think it would be beneficial for this team to trade away their only player that consistently puts up PPG numbers, while signed to an incredibly discounted contract? He's second on the team with 21 points, he's one of only 6 Oilers in the plus column, he's third on the team in shots, first in assists and second in goals. Yeah, definitely looks like he's dragging this team down. Close your fucking mouths and think before you speak. Then again these are Oiler fans and we love us a knee jerk reaction don't we? Now if you'll excuse me, Willis asked me to gas up the Fire Tambo bandwagon. He's had more than enough time to win us a cup. HE'S THE PROBLEM! Until someone else becomes the problem.


-jeanshorts