Alright... I know. I haven't written fucking anything in a long time. So sue me. I've been living on an island, and Internet is expensive around here. Okay? Okay. I forgive you too. Don't think I don't see you all bad mouthing me to your neighbours. I see it. I can feel it, all the way from Thailand. So here I am with an update. Read it.
So I'm a dick. I promise you all updates when I'm traveling and I don't do it. So now that I've got some time, and it's raining, I'm going to tell some stories. I'll try to keep them quick and to the point, or they'll just ramble on for centuries. Let me tell you friends, what you're about to hear are the greatest tales in the history of the world. Either that or you'll be really bored.
Let me start by saying I'm still in Phi Phi. I still work at a bar, and I still get fucking rat ass drunk every single day. Awesome, no? Let me tell you something about Tiger Bar, they've installed a weekly segment called "Playboy Night" and it's basically us getting oiled up and stripping for the females. (Ask Jeanshorts, he can confirm the awful pictures) Let me tell you this about Playboy Night, there is not one dude in the bar. It's all females, and they all love oiled up boys in speedos.
What we do on Playboy Night is ram the bar with chicks and then strip for them at the end of the night. They go insane. In the bar we have camera phone video (which I'm trying to get my hands on) of girls getting fucked in the bathrooms, and giving blow jobs upstairs. This happens every single Monday gentlemen. Drunk sluts love oily men. It's as factual as gravity. It's a miracle of modern day science. Unfortunately for yours truly, I've been shackled down by a woman. I was only able to be a bad bad boy for one such Monday.
WHATTTTTT????
I know friends... I didn't expect it either. She's an Aussie girl with the sexual appetite of the JSBM Nation on Megan Fox Fridays. (Do we still do that around here?) I can't keep up with the girl. It's amazing. But worry not friends, that is not to say that I've been such a good boy. Before she came from a land down under, I scored kills with the English, the Irish, the Swedes, and other Aussies. It's been a freak parade for ol' baggedmilk in the past few months. As it sits now I am resting the gun somewhere between 25 and 30 kills. I will have to do the math.
Friends, this is my vow. I found a new place for the world wide web. I can access you all from anywhere on the planet. And they give me a discount. So I WILL start doing a regular segment from Thailand. I was just discussing this with Jeanshorts, and I have many stories to tell you all. Playboy Night was just a taste of the debauchery that takes play on Phi Phi Don Island. I want to tell it all. What I have coming for you in the upcoming days/weeks are tales of gun shots and fist fights, black eyes and public indecency. I will tell it all. Stay tuned.
-baggedmilk
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7 Say Your Piece:
What have my eyes just read!?!
So when are you coming back?
BOOOOONER!!!!
Milkbags, we miss you. Please stop teasing us. If you're gonna abandon us kids with momma jeanshorts, you gotta send child support in the form of awesome god damn content. This is great teaser, but you owe many backpayments my friend.
You're on notice my friend. ON NOTICE.
Also, It's nice to hear you're enjoying some worldly culture!
Well, well, well. Look who struts into the room with claims of "Playboy Nights" and "25-30 kills". You've fooled us before with your claims of epic blogposts coming soon.
NEVER AGAIN YOU LITTLE BASTARD! Never again.
*Nice to hear that you're not sold into the sex slave trade BM!
You know what? FUCK YOU!!! Cock sucker. You go to Thailand for seven months and can rack up Wilt Cahmberlain type numbers for pennies on the dollar amd you go and get tied down? What the fuck is that? That's like reading about Patrick O'Sullivan or Gilbert Brule talking about their "girlfriends." Are you fucking shitting me? You're a 24 year old professional Hockey player in Edmonton and you can fuck ANYONE at ANYTIME and you go and tie yourself down? Save that shit for retirement. Or at least your 30's. That's what I equate being in Thailand to. You're ruining the dream. You probably fell in love with a hooker that was treating you too good.
A shit leopard can't change it's stripes Baggy.
I'm so mad at you for deserting me.
*Starts focusing more attention on his other friend who has been to Thailand 3 times and is only 24 and keeps going back because he knows how awesome it is and then he blesses Travis with endless stories about how awesome it is and all the cool things he did on a daily basis so Travis can live Vicariously through his cock.(*) Not like Baggedmilk who just teases Travis with his snippets of debauchery and then spits directly into the face of the god of fuck by getting tied down by one woman....*
(*)This actually does happen.
Y'know what's worse? Going to thailand with your wife. TWICE. Sure, you can hammer away at the old lasy whist envisioning what you saw all day, but that's not the same is it? Stupid fucking lifelong commitment getting in the way of potentail man-whoring...
Megan Fox Fridays. I remember those.
Mmmmmmm...Megan Fox.
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