Things That Piss Me Off: Engagement Photos

I'm pretty sure she put my balls in this pocket right here.

There's a disturbing new trend popping up all over the MyFaceTubes.coms. And it's not the fact that it seems everyone I went to high school with is getting married and having kids. What the fuck is that man? I'm not doing either of those until I'm close to 30 because I'm a selfish cunt like that. And besides I'd rather sit around in my underwear eating pizza and watching hockey then spending time with my wife and kids (oh my god I'm so lonely!) I guess I'll just cheer myself up with all this expendable income and free time.

Anyway, it seems that every time I log onto Facebook someone I know is getting married. Now, I'm fine with that. You found someone you're cool with being around 56 hours a day and I can dig that. It also opens up more doors for me to go back to Alberta, get super humanly drunk, and embarrass myself in front of a room full of people I've never met before. But with these impending marriages comes the newest craze that is driving me absolutely fucking nuts. I'm talking about Engagement photos. Are you fucking kidding me? Chicks shove their new bling in the face of anyone and everyone that's willing to glance in their direction, now you need 127 embarrassing photos just in case someone forgot, you were in fact, engaged? Don't most engagements last well over like 10 months to a year anyway? I don't fucking get it.

And don't get me started on the photos themselves. These have to be the most wretched, nauseating, lovey dovey bullshit pieces of crap I've ever seen in my entire life. Every picture comes with a more awkward pose than the last. They're just fucking oozing with the cheesiest "we're so in love, everyone, look how in love we are, we love to hold hands and look longingly into each others eyes cause we're so in love" garbage I've ever had to lay these poor eyes on. Don't you think the fact that you went out and bought a $6000 ring and told each other you wanted to spend the rest of your days together pretty much sets the tone for how in love you are with each other? No one needs your fucking over the top, Hallmark-esque love for each other shoved down our throats.

I understand chicks love to get dressed up and take photos and play model all day. Fine. But there is no fucking reason for "engagement photos". They're just going to be moved to the side to make room for wedding photos in like 8 months anyway. Men it's time to take a stand here. This wedding is going to cost you ridiculous amounts of money already, you really want to waste 300 bucks on worthless photos? Put your foot down and say "listen here lady, why should we waste this money now? Why don't we just save it and take even more photos on our actual fucking wedding day? Now, go grab me a fucking beer", or, you know, something similar. Ugh, I'm sorry I'm looking at a set of said photos right now and it's making me physically ill. If any of my close friends ever put up engagement photos I'm going to bust their balls everyday, until I get roped into getting my own done. Fuck sakes knowing my luck it's inevitable.

-jeanshorts