Monday, October 19, 2009

Bonsignore Citizens Brigade: Canucks @ Oilers

This goal still gives me boners, even in picture form!

Well, well, well. Look who it decides to come knocking on our door tonight. The shitanusly mediocre Vancouver Canucks come into Rexall with a hilarious 0-3 road record and an even funnier 3-4 on the season.

Ales Hemsky will be a game time decision tonight, which may not be a terrible thing considering how frustrating it's been to watch him so far this season. Sure he has 5 points but he's looked like absolute garbage and by all rights, if he was playing up to snuff he should probably have at least 10. Who knows, maybe it was this "flu" that has caused him to coast around the ice and look disinterested. Either way if he doesn't pick up his game soon I may have to call an audible and change my goat pick.

The Oilers are also still without Big Sexy holding down the back end and shooting the puck like that kid from The Mighty Ducks, but thankfully skinnier Dustin Penner has risen from the ashes of the past two seasons and is on pace to score 400 goals this year. If Penner pots a hat trick tonight I'll pony up some of the JSBM legal fund and buy David S that god damn Forrest Whittaker shirt he always talks about buying, but never mans up and gets one. Take that to the bank!

What's the over under on Luongo being chased from the net tonight? I give him a period and a half. At the other end look for the second coming of Bill Ranford to continue to stand on his head tonight and win another game for this team. Let's just hope the Oilers don't get doubled up in shots again for the 5th or 6th time this season.

jeanshorts prediction: Oilers 5 - Canucks 1. BOOK IT!

IQWT

GOILERS!

P.S. Unfortunately I will be unable to attend tonight's festivities, as I have a prior engagement to go to. I've pimped this out a few times on Twitter, but in case you missed it a show I work on called Peak Season airs tonight at 10 PM EST on MTV. They're throwing a swanky party for it at some bar I've never heard of, sorry, some "lounge" I've never heard of, and the free booze will be flowing like garbage cans tossed around the Oilers room after a lackluster period. During the intermission, or after the game or whatever why don't you just take a gander at MTV and see what all the commotion is about. It's a show geared toward 16-25 year old ladies, so it's perfect as it will give you something to talk about while you loiter around the high school by your house.

Hold down the fort tonight for me fellas.

-jeanshorts

*Thank you to gentleman AND scholar David S for the suggestion of putting his on*
Hatched by Jeanshorts And Baggedmilk at 2:38 PM
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31 Say Your Piece:

  1. Consider this fort held the fuck down.


    LET'S DOOOOooooooOOOOO THIS!!!1!!
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  2. Teh Oil is going to FUCK UP the Canucks. Let's get it on biatches.
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  3. Haven't got around to bucking up for a shirt yet, but I did pen a flattering Sidewiki post for JSBM. That should be worth a few pennies on the monthly Google AdSense paycheck.

    Yep. While you're checkin' out 18.001 year olds and plying them with booze and promises of "helping them get into the industry", I'll be at the game tonight. As usual, I'll raise a can of Canadian and gullet an extra piece of BP in your name.
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  4. You guys should embed this beauty for the game thread...


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I58PtmB6IC0
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  5. I thought I was the only cheap cunt who kept teasing to buy that stupid shirt, but props to David S for cockteasing these jerks as well.

    Also, there's a Wiki page for this shit???

    And is it just gonna be TB, Mr. Anonyomous and myself tonight? I'll continue to not wear pants!
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  6. @ Poo Czar - Don't forget the Strap On. Dakin might come by.
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  7. Oh I'm planning on being there. Just a little fashionably late. What the fuck is a sidewiki?
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  8. And I am seriously wearing my IQWT shirt right now. By absolute coincidence, I decided to wear it to work today.
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  10. You can't help but feel sexy with Pat Quinn's face all over your clothing. What a quality garment the IQWT tee is.
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  12. Shit... I'd give that one to Rypien, but not a bad one at all from Zach.
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  15. OK Guys... you can start trying anytime now... Hemsky? Someone?
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  16. PATIO LANTERNS!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
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  17. Is it bad that when I see Horcoff on a breakaway I don't get excited?
    *realizes no one is here and it's time to get drunk*
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  19. Wow this party is lame... who wants to see my balls?
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  20. The Oilers look sloppy....


    I saw Staples had a post up about Souray and his divorce shit the other day. It's gone now. Why? Anyone notice that? I think Souray called him and threatened a good old fashioned one punch beat down.
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  22. Does Hemsky not practice empty nets???
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  23. Dammit! I missed another chance at seeing Dakin's balls! Shoulda gone to the fucking water park.
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  24. The tits.... I mean... THEY WERE EVERYWHERE!!!!!
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  25. You took your family to Diamonds? You're a true man, Dakin.
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  26. Holy hell guys! Man that was a bit toooooo close for comfort. Coupla notes from the game:

    • Shawn Horcoff is feeling the weight of those big paycheques. That or his wife fucked his nuts off an hour before the game. Man that guy is ass-tacular. Had at least two glorious whiffs that should have been labelled.

    • There's something wrong with Hemsky. Don't know what, but he's off.

    • Gotta love Sam's greasy goals.

    • Oh my god does our first line suck.

    • Teams are overloading our D zone with three players. They know Gilbert is soft and Viz is still not 100%. Man do we need Souray back.

    • Oh my god does our PP suck.

    • Comrie is a sleazy litle bastard. He almost snuck in a couple of times. But holy shit do the refs hate him.
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  27. JS - Thanks for posting that Gagner goal. It was my favorite from last year. Love that little fucker!
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  28. Holy fuck we won? WE FUCKING WON????????

    I'll have a recap tomorrow. Holy fuck we won!!!!!!
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  29. I saw Stortini get ragdolled by Rypen, and the I had far too much booze with the cast of Peak Season. More to follow.
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  30. haha fuck boys I just watched the highlights. Sick effort by Gagner. And amazing timing on that Vancouver goal that was like a half a second too late.
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  31. Pretty much anyone would get ragdolled by Rypien. That guy has Bruce Lee hands. Wock-wock-wock and you're out! Good for Zack to take the fight though. That must have taken guts.
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