Dive Instructor and a Ping Pong Show

What the fuck is going on with Dany Heatley? I came online on draft day. Nothing. Then he was an Oiler, and then he wasn't. That gapped tooth mother fucker better waive that no trade clause or else I will kick his vehicular manslaughtering balls.

Dudes, I hadn't moved from Phi Phi in two weeks. we just left 2 days ago because my Thai Visa runs out, so I literally have to leave the country. That's cool though, me and this dude from Van are going to bounce to the Philippines and chill there for a while. I'll probably come back in August, or maybe meet up with this smoke show from Calgary and meet up in Cambodia. I don't really know. What I do know, is that she had a nice set of hammers, and I feel it is my duty to see them.

The best part about Phi Phi was being balls deep inside a rich, American dive instructor on a daily basis. Sweet. I tried to get her to pay me for my services, but unfortunately, no dice. So far that's 4 kills, and I still have a long time away. Awesome. She's cool though, but not nearly foreign enough to me, because we have the same accent. I really need to get my hands on some kind of Swede, or an Australian. Anyone with an accent. Cool.

Every day is something new though. Last night, I was offered a happy ending by a 55 year old hooker. Nice. This random dude I was talking to, while pissing, was all over the idea. I on the other hand wasn't really digging it. Things are weird in this country, and completely hilarious at the same time. The other day, I was chilling on the side of the road, and some random Thai chick started singing 'Hit Me Baby, One More Time' to me. It's legendary. It's really funny to have people come up and say, "Hey! (baggedmilk) what's happening man?" Most of the time, I look at them and have no idea who the fuck they are. Daily occurance, made worse by getting shit bag wasted every single night and meeting more people. That was Phi Phi.

Two days ago, the little crew of dudes I hang out with moved on to a city called Phuket. It's filthy, but I'll get to that. The first thing that happened here, was us out for dinner, and seeing the American we hang out with get robbed by a 60 year old woman. She was selling some random shit, so he bought a hat from her. After he paid for the hat, she jacked it from his head, and sprinted down the road to an awaiting scooter. It was possibly the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. The dude was so shocked as to what had just happened to him, he couldn't believe it. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Until last night...

Last night was Canada Day. Yep I'm in the future. So naturally the thing to do in Phuket, Thailand, is go to a Ping Pong show. No, it has nothing to do with table tennis, my friends. Did you know that in a woman's vagina, they can keep 5 mice, a bird, and a small turtle? It's true, I saw it. That was followed by the same woman, pulling out 20 feet of string from her pussy, that was covered in needles. What the fuck? (Rusty you love that shit don't you) Hilarious moments right there my friends. I tried snapping pictures but the giant bouncer didn't think it was a very good idea.

From there, we were on our way home. The 4 block walk back to the hotel took almost 2 hours. Because every 10 feet we were stopped by hookers whom literaly grab our dicks as we walk by. The Swede, that I hang out with, literally fingered one, stuck his fingers up my nose, and made me puke everywhere in the street. It was the most vile thing I have ever been a part of. Aside from seeing 60 year old men parading around with 16 year old Thai girls. That's everywhere, and it's fucked up. Places like Phuket are the bad part of Thailand that everyone thinks of. I can't wait to peach out of this place tomorrow.

Aside from the pursuit of pleasure, hooking up with randoms, and destroying my liver, I haven't been doing a whole lot since I've last written. As of right now, my days consist of waking up sometime in the late afternoon, grabbing something to eat, getting fucked up, and taking down a random. It's a rough life, but someone has to get it done. I see now that Batman, and Tambo are off to meet with Heatley. I'll be back on in a couple hours.

Peace.

-baggedmilk