The Best of Bangkok: Round 2

One thing about travelling that is never fun, is the waiting around. As of right now, I have another 3 hours before my bus down south. So I might as well write a few stories about Bangkok.

I got back to Bangkok four days ago, from the Philippines. In a weird way, with all it's sickness, Bangkok has a charm that is unmistakable. If you can ignore the hundreds of suit vendors, countless tuk tuk drivers wanting to take you around, it's a great place to be. It's a big city, and in such, it's a certainty that you'll see some fucked up shit.

The shopping in Bangkok is great because it's so cheap. Also, the ability to buy Valium over the counter is also hilarious. The best part about this giant city though, is the food. I just came back from watching a stolen copy of Transformers 2, and I had a meal for $1. Sure the spaghetti wasn't that special, but for that cheap it's a great fucking deal. Literally, I'm a cheap cunt, so I take pleasure in a good deal.

Enough about food. First night in town, I met this Irish dude, and fancy little thing about Ireland is that they've taken quite fondly to the drink. "I'm a Canadian boy, I can hold my own." Until the next thing I know, I'm walking back down Khaosan Road in the worst zig zag pattern I've ever seen. By the time I get back to my guesthouse, it's eight in the morning and I'm smashed. Next day, there's a knock on my door at 10AM. Fucking Irishmen wanting to drink again.

Another thing that's wild about Bangkok, is that everyone is either just getting here or just leaving. I meet a few fresh Canadians from Toronto, and regale some of my stories to them, and their jaw hits the floor like you've never seen. Nice. From there, I get to a point where this chick is willing to bail on her boyfriend to hook up with Colonel BM. For a glimmering moment, I had a conscience and let it pass. No need to fuck up two peoples trips when they just got here. Karma, my friends.

Later that same night, I meet an English guy that looks like he just fucked his mother. He goes into a story about picking up a Thai girl at a bar, only to have the police knocking on his door the next morning. The cops tell the English dude, that he fucked a minor and he's going to jail for a long time unless he pays 120,000 baht. ($3800 Canadian)

So next thing he knows, he's sitting in a Thai jail sell without his passport. He shells out 10,000 baht and they let him out. From here he's doing his best Jason Bourne, and high tailing it back to Bangkok so he can go to the embassy. I come into my place last night and there's a note waiting for me, telling me that he got it sorted. That's fucked up though.

Shit man, this has been a weird couple of days. This morning, I'm sitting there having something to eat, and I look over at this old man. He's chilling on the Internet, flipping through an online mail order bride site. I watched this dude for two hours, as he flipped through page after page until he found one he liked. Just then, as though he's ordering a sandwich maker, he pulls out Uncle Visa and lays down the cash. Soon enough, he will have his trophy bitch that probably won't speak a word of English other than, "Green Card, Mista."

That, dear pirates, has been my last four days in Thailand. And now, I wait for a sixteen hour bus ride that will be so boring and uncomfortable. As a JSBM note, we're going to have some major new T-shirt varieties coming down the pipe. Within the next little while we'll jump from the IQWT solo warrior shirt, to tens and dozens and maybe three others. You'll never have to leave your houses again. Just sit your asses on the couch, jump in on the BCB meetings that will be starting up, and wait for your shit to come in. Nice.

May the force be with you, but mostly with me.

IQWT, gentlemen.

-baggedmilk